It's Handled
by hellosweetie17
Summary: When an unfortunate accident befalls Roy, Edward immediately calls his brother to help him clean up the mess.


[TAGS: adult!Edward, injured!Roy, Implied/Referenced, Sex Partners in Crime, Revenge, Crack]

Prompt: I think I broke him.

* * *

 **Ring. Ring.**

With the telephone receiver in one hand and his free arm crossed over his stomach, Edward nervously paced back and forth in the living room, waiting for the line to pick up.

 **Ring. Ring.**

The young man walked toward his bedroom and peeked inside; he held back a fierce wince when he saw that the form on the floor remained limp and unmoving. Damn it! He knew he shouldn't have done what he did.

 **Ring. Ring.**

"C'mon, Al!" hissed Ed, stomping his automail foot against the hardwood floor. "Pick up the damn—"

"Hello?" drawled Alphonse, his voice heavy with sleep.

"What the hell took you so long to answer?!" exclaimed Elric, throwing his arm up in exasperated relief.

"Brother?" yawned the younger blond. Using his elbow, he propped himself up on his mattress. "Is something the matter?"

The former alchemist reached up into his hair, then began scratching the nape of his neck. "I think I broke him," he confessed.

Alphonse squinted into the darkness of his room, his eyebrows twitching in confusion. "Broke who?"

"Mustang!" whimpered Edward. He glanced back into the room for any change in the bare ass naked man's position. Nothing. Fuck!

The teen shot up in his bed with such speed, he nearly toppled out of it. "What did you do to him?!" he accused, his eyes widening in fear of whatever his idiot of a sibling did—which was probably something he most likely shouldn't have done.

Elric put his hand on his hip and shrugged his shoulder. "I was tryin' to teach the ol' bastard some new tricks. I knew he couldn't handle it, but ya know. Things got rough; a few bites and scratches here and there. He passed out after I did a lil' thing with my—"

"Okay, shut up!" screeched Alphonse, his cheeks warming with secondhand embarrassment. A slight scowl appeared when he heard the not-so-sorry "sorry" muttered on the other end of the line. "Where is he now?"

"On the floor…"

"You left him on the floor."

"His ass is heavy, alright?" excused the older blond, tapping his foot with renewed, pissed off, vigor. "Are ya gonna help me or not?"

"Fine. I'll be there soon," replied Al and hung up the telephone. The poor teen then rolled out of bed and proceeded to get ready to save his brother's rear end. Again. One of these days, he was going to kill him.

* * *

Alphonse burst through the door to his older sibling's apartment and stomped through the living room toward the dim bedroom where he found Edward sitting on the edge of his mattress.

The young man glanced up when he heard the other's footsteps slowly approach him. "Hey, Al," he muttered. Elric let out a ragged breath, blowing the honey-colored fringe from his forehead. "Thanks for comin'," he added before returning his attention to the man who constantly bragged about his sexual prowess. Stamina my ass, he inwardly huffed.

Without a word, the teen's amber eyes followed the other's line of sight until they settled on the unconscious—and hopefully still alive—Roy Mustang, whose body was highlighted by the moonlight filtering into the bedroom. The unfortunate Flame Alchemist was on his stomach, sprawled out on the floor; nude. Alphonse's apprehension about the General's living state was eased when he saw what looked to be stars circling above his head. He let out a sigh. "What do you wanna do with him?" questioned the younger blond, turning to Edward.

"We get rid of the body," the former alchemist blurted out.

"Are you kidding me?" scoffed Al. "We can always just put him back on the bed, you know."

Edward cast a sidelong glance at his brother, his lips curving into an evil smile. "Nah, I got something better in mind," he remarked. He stood from the bed, then scurried around the room to collect and put on whatever clothing he could find. After he was dressed, he strolled over to his brother and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "You grab his arms and I'll get his legs."

With the respective limbs firmly in hand, the Elrics lugged the heavy son of a bitch out of the apartment and into the night. Minutes and a slew of expletives later, they laid the still unconscious Roy front side up on a lawn covered with dewy, green grass.

"Are you sure about this, brother?" asked Al, chewing on his bottom lip.

Edward let out a quiet laugh while he brushed his hands against his black pants. "Yup. This is what the asshole gets for passing out during a good time." He gazed over at the teen with a bright smile. "It's handled. C'mon, let's go."

And with that, the young men walked away from the scene, leaving a very naked Roy outside of Eastern Command for all to find in the morning.

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